The Footpath Jam

Bangalore is remarkable for its constant evolution (read as devolution) and its innovative spirit in finding new problems to dog its citizens. Like any big metropolis in the world, it has its massive monstrosities called malls, its over-hyped and overpriced "hep" shopping areas, its decadent night life and its milling millions, but there aer some things which are unique to Namma Bengaluru.

A classic example was on display on (where else?) BTM main road. A recent survey had shown that although techies (software professionals and other high-tech engineers) form only a tenth of Bangalore's workforce, they contribute to more than three-quarters of its vehicles. And since BTM main road is one of two roads that lead to Electronic City (I seriously envy Rome, as it is never short of roads leading to it, meaning there are no traffic jams), there are about a lakh or so vehicles in a feverish rush to the hallowed acres of Electronic City within the span of an hour. In such a situation, every inch of road gained is a victory for any motorist over his rivals. As is the case in any battle, there are those that are cleverer than the others, and there are those that are more resourceful than the others. Therefore, it didn't take much time for a clever techie (what an oxymoron!!) to come to the conclusion that since there are more vehicles than pedestrians on the road, the former must have preferential rights over the footpath too. So he heaved his two-wheeler onto the footpath, a move which earned him the respect and admiration of his fellow motorists and the curses of the pedestrians, and rode away at the speed of 20 kilometres an hour, at least ten times faster than his rivals on the road. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The other motorists were not far behind in emulating the pioneer, and that day, those who went to office by car had a tough time explaining why they were held up by the traffic while others (read as the followers of our pioneer's example) made it in time.

Fast forward to the next morning. The Pioneer and his followers took their usual route up the footpath. The driver of a sand-laden lorry had a flash of inspiration. (The next time scientists record a gorilla or a chimpanzee getting a brainwave, I must make it a point to inform them that the aforesaid driver had achieved the same result in out-of-laboratory conditions.) He thought, "Arrey! When these puny motorbikes can go so fast on the footpath, what is there to prevent my huge lorry from doing the same? Who do these dwarfs think they are? I'll show them...." That was the end of that. What a sight it was for jobless onlookers like me!! There was this huge, heavily laden lorry trying to waltz onto the footpath. An elephant might have given us a breathtaking ballet performance, but this lorry was definitely out of its depths here. The end result? The Pioneer and his merry band of followers were stopped in their tracks. The pedestrians, usually the coolest ones in a traffic jam because of their supreme mobility, were stuck too. The white and khaki figure of the traffic constable arrived on the scene, and apart from giving a lesson on swear words in Kannada, he could do nothing else.

The Day of the Eternal Human Jam had dawned....